It's A Conspiracy..........

Conspiracy Against Seniors

We Must Stop This Immediately!


Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens. Pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

QVC ROCKS ! ! ! ! !

I ordered this on Saturday....and here it is. I just love Basic Grey and this whole kit. Doesn't it look yummy? I can hardly wait to use it. One book will be for my girlfriend, the other, I'm not sure, but trust me, I will find a GREAT way to use it.

8 words with 2 meanings.......

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male.... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.. Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.!
Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.. A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

9 Things I Hate ABout Everyone.....

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

In keeping with the 'holiday' theme, I thought it was appropriate to post this picture. Can you imagine coming home to this EVERY DAY? :::laughter::: Didn't think so. I'm dying to see what's in store for Easter.

Mmmm Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I love strawberries, but most of all, I love chocolate covered strawberries. Hubby surprised me at work today with 12 of 'em. Delicious strawberries wrapped in milk chocolate or white chocolate. All through out the office, that is all you could smell. The sweet scent of fresh strawberries. The girls all had to have some. So, being the person that I am, I decided to share my sweet bounty. As I cut them in half, you could hear the others hold their breaths....waiting for their sweet piece. When I was finished, and told them to take a piece, it was like a mad dash at a 50% off sale at Harrod's. Hands and arms reaching from all directions. All wanting a taste. You could hear them slurping the juicy nectar as each bite was taken. Gawd, I love strawberries. I wish they grew all year 'round.


Here is a picture of the card that I made for my husband. The twill reads, "True Love Knows No Bounds". Inside the card, I had found this poem:


There has never been a perfect wife
But I would like to try
To be as close as I can come,
And you're the reason why.
I cannot know just why it was
God favored me more than the rest,
But of all the husbands He's given
I am blessed with the very best.
I hear people speak of "my better half"
And I guess that's kind of sweet,
But I think of you as "my other half" -
Without you I'd be incomplete.
So this comes without a reason,
Just wishing on my part
To convey a simple message -
I love you with all my heart.

Why We Love Children...........

I just loved this, so I thought that I would share....

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN !!

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psssst!' and it didn't move."


An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"


When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came in to the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

Yep....gonna be a bear !!

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six month. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a momma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear!!