I moved............

So I made the BIG move. I moved to typepad. I like their features, and they aren't down as much, so I heard. Oh well... I will give it a try.

www.MrsLeftyFixIt.Typepad.com

Make sure to bookmark me.....I plan on daily posts there. Well, I'll try anyway.

BIG...BIG Mail week....

IMPORTANT NOTE: I re-posted this with the pictures. I hope that everything is up and running.


Boy, was it ever a BIG mail week this past week. For starters, I got my package from a friend that I am in a swap for. She buys Tombow refills by the bulk and asked if anyone would like to go in with her this time. I jumped on it...as much as I go through adhesive, I thought I needed a deal. Well, DID I EVER GET A DEAL!!! These usually retail at Michael's for about $3.99....I got them at $2.10 each. I need to put her on my MUST ORDER FROM list, LOL.

Then on Tuesday..Look at what the UPS man brought me. She's a beauty, huh? My CRICUT that hubby ordered for me. Again....he got a DEAL on it. Michael's and Joanne's won't take the 50% off or 40% off or any coupon for it...so he went online, did a bit of surfing, and VIOLA...$189.00 and FREE SHIPPING!! Not bad Honey. As always, you spoil me....THANK YOU!

So, then we go to Michael's with our coupons, both of us had 50% off...so we buy a few cartridges. Then, I come home from work on Thursday, and he had gone to Michael's again, with his 40%off, and bought me another cartridge, along with some more goodies. WHAT A MAN!! I tell ya, God totally blessed me with this man. He is my TRUE, TRUE soul mate. I just love being in his presence. Talk about feeling safe and secure *sigh*. Yep...I feel safe and secure.

Here is the FIRST thing that I cut out using my Cricut. It's for a swap coming up. I'm telling ya...this is so much easier than the Quickutz or Sizzix. Hubby thinks so too. It was done in a matter of seconds. I have 13 to do... and it normally would have taken a few nights. With the Cricut, it took less than 5 minutes. I am a cutting fool now. I will have to post later the finished product. I am quite pleased. GOOD INVESTMENT.

So, now the mailman comes yesterday, Saturday...and I have a box! OMG.. from who? Then I notice the name...Hollye. She's my VERY BESTEST friend ever! We keep telling each other that we are twins....she being born first (6 days), cuz when you're pretty like her, you're born first. Me on the other hand, I was born last...and that's only cuz I needed the nourishment and I have the brains.

Anyway.... I get this box. LOOK at what she sent me. The lunchtin was made by Selena, her daughter (sign of the cross for mercy for her). Isn't that pretty? I think so. Selena... I just love it girl!!

Then I look inside the box and there are more goodies. I love the chick in the cup....it has meaning. Chick w/HATTitude. LOL (I will explain more of that later) Then there is this exquisite figurine. I totally love it. Hollye, you are the bestest!! Needless to say.. .that figurine will have a special place in my china cupboard. I love it, Hollye....again, THANK YOU Sister!!

My son called about an hour ago. He took my daughter to the airport this morning. She's off to Hawaii with about 5 other girls. Her best friends mother paid for them all to go in celebration of her daughter's 30th birthday. WOW. We just booked our trip for the two of us, and I know how much it cost....paying for 6 girls to go? WOW I'm speechless. WOW I guess I am gonna have to send my son somewhere now. Hubby suggested Sidney, Australia. That is my son's fantasy trip. He wants to see the Sidney Opery house so bad. Hmmmmm he just may like that trip. Will have to think about that one.

Thank you to those who served.....

For all the men/women that have served protecting you and me...

I never thought that this is where I'd settle down,

I thought I'd die an old man back in my hometown,

They gave me this plot of land, me and some other men, for a job well done,

there's a big white house sits on a hill just up the road,

the man inside he cried the day they brought me home,

they folded up a flag and told my mom and dad, we're proud of your son

Chorus:

And I'm proud to be on this peaceful piece of property,

I'm on sacred ground and I'm in the best of company,

I'm thankful for those things I've done,

I can rest in piece, I'm one of the chosen ones, I made it to Arlington

I remember daddy brought me here when I was eight,

we searched all day to find out where my granddad lay,

and when we finally found that cross,

he said, "son this is what it cost to keep us free" Now here I am,

a thousand stones away from him,

he recognized me on the first day I came in,

and it gave me a chill when he clicked his heels, and saluted me.

(Repeat Chorus)

and everytime I hear twenty-one guns,

I know they brought another hero home to us

we're thankful for those thankful for the things we've done,

we can rest in peace, 'cause we are the chosen ones,

we made it to Arlington, yea dust to dust,

don't cry for us, we made it to Arlington

The countdown has begun....

FINALLY!!!! The 3-day weekend is here!! I so need a vacation, LOL. Ok, so I have been back to work for a week, and I'm already begging for a vacation.

I have 6 more months before I can 'retire'. Hubby has already said that I can retire at the end of the year and stay home to tend to him. Ok, so all I have to do is make sure his lunch is packed for work, his uniforms are picked up from the dry cleaners, fix him breakfast or dinner before he leaves for work, and to 'tidy' up a bit before the housekeepers get here. How hard can that be? I guess I will find out in 6 months. Woohooooo

OK.. I'm off to finish up a few more albums that I have sold. Not bad for having fun at a hobby that I love to do.

Chat later.........

Finally, out of bed.......

I finally went back to work this week. This illness really kicked my butt this time. I'm not quite up to par, still have a squeak for a voice....but I got tired of staying in bed, being waited on hand and foot. Gawd, that man spoils me. But then again, I spoil him just as much. Honey...when you read this, YOU ARE MY VERY NEXT BREATH. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

American Idol was like the BEST EVER. Did y'all see Clay? O M G What a transformation!! His voice tho....is AWESOME! I was a Chris and Kelly fan...and when they were voted off, I became a McPhee fan. When she sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow, I thought she would win it right then and there. Taylor does, tho, put on a good show. I just wish he would learn to stand up instead of singing all hunched over. Looks retarded if ya ask me.

I'm getting caught up on my scrapping and swaps. I think I have taken a whole new direction in my swaps too. I am only going to join the 6x6 or 8x8 page kit swaps, or the stuff I really, really need. No more joining to get one or two items that I want... I need at LEAST 6-8 items to make it worth my while. (Sorry ladies)

Going to a friend's house over the weekend for a crop!! Talk about exciting. I love meeting new people, especially ones that share your hobby. I have a few projects and swaps that I need to work on and get in the mail, so I guess I will take that with me.

It's kinda late, and my hubby is on his way home from work, and should be home anytime now. I miss that man when he's working. I just wish his shift would change...but we all know, he's NOT a morning person. LOL I keep teasing him when he gets up early (early to him is 10:00am) that the sun isn't straight up yet, so he has a few more hours to sleep.

Here is the new tower at the place where he works. I worry about him, even tho he can (and has) take care of himself. He got a Medal of Valor for his actions during a riot. WHAT A MAN!!!

I'm going to leave you with this song...it's the FIRST song my hubby sang to me. It still does something to me every time I hear it....

The Keeper Of The Stars
(Dickey Lee/Danny Mayo/Karen Staley)

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smilin' down on me
As I look at you tonight

I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

Soft moonlight on your face oh how you shine
It takes my breath away
Just to look into your eyes
I know I don't deserve a treasure like you
There really are no words
To show my gratitude

So I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doin'
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew

A gift for my Son......

I have the son that every mom wants. I am so proud of this boy, well, not boy, man. I think I did a good job raising him, yep, I think so.

As a surprise, hubby decided the kid was old enough. He has shown us that he is responsible, trustworthy, etc., that the time has come. Look at this face....does that face show just how much he loves his gift? Yep....his FIRST gun....a 30-06 Ruger Mark V for a lefty at that. AND it has a Leopold scope. That was given to him for his birthday. For Christmas, hubby gave him a Springfield 4006 Satin Finish Semi-Auto pistol. This kid is loving life!!

He thinks I'm a GREAT mom......never thought in a million years that I would be putting my name on a gift tag for my son that was attached to a gun. I guess I've soften throughout the years.

She's Tinier Than a Minute....

I have the GREATEST granddaughter of all time. Honest!! Why would I lie about something like that?

She calls me Mema and one of her favorite things to do with me is to snuggle. We have snuggled for 13 years now. At one time, when she lived downstairs from us, she would run up the stairs right before bedtime, and tell me that she needed to snuggled before she went to bed. How cute is that?

Even tho she's 13, she still likes to snuggle. When she comes to spend the weekends with us, in the morning, she will crawl up into our bed.....for that snuggle. You're never too old to snuggle I guess...at least this Mema isn't.


Alix is in 'Travel Softball'. Out of all the girl's softball teams in Orange County, she was one of the 10 girls chosen. She is traveling all over. She plays either Second base or Catcher...depending on the pitcher. Last week, she had a tournament in Arizona. WHIPPED THEIR BUTTS !!! So now, they move on.....this time to Utah. They will be playing there in July. WATCH OUT UTAH....O.C. KRUSH IS ON THE WAY. When they win in Utah... they will be going to either Oklahoma or Texas next. (This picture is of her at practice.)


For her birthday, we took her out for a steak dinner. We told the waitress that it was her 13th birthday...and she said leave it to her. LOL

All the waiters and waitresses came over to sign Happy Birthday to her.. but before they could sing, she had to put on the OFFICIAL BIRTHDAY ATTIRE.
So the slapped a toilet seat cover around her neck, and a coffee filter on her head. Then one of the waiters announced that it was a very SPECIAL birthday...a 13th birthday. "BIG TEENAGER IN THE RESTAURANT." Everyone sang....even the other customers.

We then gave her one of our gifts...$130.00. Ten bucks for every year. Talk about surprise!!

After dinner, we took her for a shopping spree at the local scrapbook store. (Actually, we took her to the MOTHERLODE.) And shopping she did.

She took Grandpa all over...wanting this and wanting that. Oh she needed this and that too. Oh, and look at this. "I must have this too" All in all...she had a GREAT birthday.


Here is her FIRST layout. We took her and her girlfriend to Disneyland last October. She did a GREAT job, huh? She even used the tickets and receipt. Expect her book How To Scrap on the shelves in a few years, LOL

Before I Was A Mom.....

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
And before I was a Grandma,
I didn't know that all those "Mom" feelings more than doubled when you see that little bundle being held by "your baby"...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

UGH!!! I have NO VOICE!!!

I have just a moment on the computer, so I thought I would update this a bit and let y'all know what's happening.

I have been so sick the last few weeks. It started out with allergies and went into pneumonia. Now that that is a bit over, the cough that I have had has literally left me with no voice. I get to coughing so violently it seems, that it's a wonder it hasn't ripped my vocal cords to pieces.

My hubby has taken over all my swaps it seems. I only wonder what he has done once I get back online to look things over.

I have been off work, and with this new cough medicine that Dr. has given me, I sleep most of the time now anyways. The Dr. says that is good, as he does not want me to utter one word so that my voice can start to mend itself. It got to the place that when I did speak, it hurt my head from the strain. My throat doesn't hurt, but the sinus pressure is almost unbearable at times.

Oh well....that is what's happening with me. What's happening with you??

Things I've Learned From My Son....

Things I've learned from my son (honest and not kidding) who will be 25 in about 2 months......

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toysdo not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Riverside, CA has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox andbrake fluid.Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

In Honor of April 1st.....

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

For Trade

My Breasts For Yours


Yes, I have large breasts. Not excessively huge, but big, nonetheless. "A fine rack," you may say. "Big hooters." "Baywatch material." "Nicely stacked." "Melons." "Lovely grapefruits." Or my favorite, "TORPEDOES!".

The fact is, I hate them. Loathe and detest. Despise. I want them off my body and gone! Not only do they give me backaches, but I can't sleep on my stomach. I find it hard to kiss someone, as there's always this "mass" between us. Sex is a bitch. I can no longer jog. My cat actually WALKS down out of the window onto my lap by way of my breasts! Unfortunately, I don't have much lap left. I have a hard time buttoning shirts, since those two buttons at chest-level are stretched tight and constantly break off and the rest are loose. I often find leftovers lingering there. And odd things, like leaves and Post-It notes.

Yeah, you're probably laughing at this point, but it's really NOT FUNNY! (Well, not unless you laugh at the fact that I actually have a T-shirt that my left nipple has *rubbed a hole in* -- not unlike the way guys pumice their jeans to make their 'manhood' look bigger and burlier, like it actually wore through their trousers and is about to chase you down the street. I'm not talking a white, faded spot, though; I'm talking an *actual* HOLE in my T-shirt! You know, so my nipple can look out and see the world (and perhaps chase you down the street), thus mocking me even more.)

Guys, how would you like to have balls so big that you couldn't lay on your stomach or see your shoes when standing? Or jog? Or hug someone without them jutting into the other person, forcing you to lean over or else stand several inches away. Wait, stupid question, why did I ask? Forget I said that.

Girls with small(er) breasts, you don't know how lucky you are! Why in the hell would you want to *increase* the size of them?!? Especially with some gelatinous unknown substance in a plastic baggie, blech! Wait, stupid question. Forget I said that.

But that's the reason I'm here! I want to trade my large breasts for your smaller ones! Mine are pasty white, but I don't really care what color yours are, as long as they're comfortable and I can sleep face-down... and reclaim my lap. No reasonable offer refused.

E-mail me now, if you would like to swap.

Letter from the daughter

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, and stuff, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in little metal boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter, Gail

Back by Popular Demand

Subject: Alone with a Tazer

Hubby is always saying, “Well, I have FINALLY outdone myself”. I swear those will be his last words on earth. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend Hubby spied something at a pawn shop that tickled his fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that his "fancy" is easily tickled.) Hubby bought something really cool for me, his wife. The occasion was our 2nd anniversary of being together and I guess he was looking for a little something extra for his girl.What he came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, google-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, he bought the device and brought it home. He loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! Talk about disappointed. Upon reading the directions (REAL men don't need no stinkin' directions), he found, much to his chagrin, that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! He does love fire for effect.

Hubby learned that if he pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that he'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that he was so looking forward to. He did so.

Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee. For y’all that know Hubby, he’s easily amused, but for your information, he has yet to explain to me what that burn spot is on the face of my microwave.

Okay, so Hubby was home alone with this new toy, thinking to himself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc. There he sat in his recliner, his dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be him reading, not the dog) and thinking that he really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit Hubby thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if he was going to give this thing to me to protect myself against a mugger, he did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Was he wrong? Was Hubby wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to him at the time, but then again, that’s just Hubby.

So, there he sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, with his reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of his nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Let me add, the directions did NOT state anywhere that this device was idiot proof. For goodness sakes, this man is from Iowa, need I say more?

All the while he’s looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to himself, "no friggin' way!" Trust me, I know the way Hubby thinks (or fails to think at times) but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

You have a pretty good idea of what followed. He’s sitting there, alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?).

Hubby decided to give himself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.

Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight—always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)

He touched the prongs to his naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY XXXX! He’s pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked him up out of that recliner, then body-slammed his 6 foot, 3 inch body on the carpet over and over again.

Hubby vaguely recalls waking up on his side in the fetal position, his chest hair singed, his ‘man-parts’ nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with his left arm tucked under his body in the oddest position.

The dog was standing over him, making sounds he said he had never heard before, licking his face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again! Do it again!"

(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't wedge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

XXXXXXXXX that hurt! A minute or so later (He can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), he collected his wits (what little he had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

His reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? His triceps, right thigh and both pecs were still twitching. His face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as his bottom lip weighed 8 ounces give or take an ounce.

By the way, has anyone seen his ummm ‘man-parts’? He thinks they flew away. I'm offering a reward. He sure misses 'em . . .sure would like to get'em back for him for his birthday.

Texas Hunting Regulations........

As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Services:

Sec 370.01
Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

Sec 370.02
Taking of attorneys with traps or dead falls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

Sec 370.03
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies and vermin.

Sec 370.04
The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

Sec 370.05
It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

Sec 370.06
It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

Sec 370.07
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.

Sec 370.08
It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on Saturday and Sunday.

Sec 370.09
If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess the same. Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the choke removed, highpowered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.

Sec 370.10
It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Sec 370.11
Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders,
2 Two-faced tort feasors,
1 Back-stabbing divorce litigators,
3 Horn-rimmed cut-throats,
2 Minutiae-advocating dirtbags,
4 Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can normally be
identified because they do not wear Rolex watches, drive a Porsche, BMW or other
expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and $1500 suits.

Happy St. Patty's Day

Friday is here at last!! It's been a long week here, and I'm so happy that this one is finally over.

We are planning a visit up at Oak Glen this weekend. I just love it up there. Hubby wants to buy some land up there and build. It's just so beautiful. Especially when all the apple orchards are in full bloom. Can't get any prettier than that, now can ya?

Oh well, off to work I go. I had to post this picture again, keeping with the day's theme, LOL. I jut love Gumby, LOL

Enough already........

I would have thought that by now all the hoopla on the Message Boards would have died down a bit. Most of it has, but I have noticed that the ones that want to be left alone to make their own decisions, are constantly bringing it up. They are constantly posting that this is their last post. Then they go on to the 3-4 different message boards posting their last farewell address. I bet they are sitting back, toggling between all the message boards to see all the posts saying oh please don't leave, we'll miss you, etc.. Is their life that dreary? That boring? They really need some help, and I don't mean help that comes from a computer.....they need some serious phych help.

On to better things....

We finally got the house painted. Hubby insisted that it had to be blue with white trim. He said that it will give it character. He told me, "Honey, trust me". Well, I did trust him. And I will be the first to admit, it looks pretty nice. I'm quite happy with the colors he chose. It goes with the decor inside, all victorian. I finished our room (which I will post later). I love what I have done. I chose hunter green and cranberry. Very romantic, if I may say so. The rest of the house is done in shades of greens and cranberry, with splashes of blue/mauve/gold. It's nice, not too feminine so that men will feel very comfortable. The only room that I wanted that WOW factor was our bedroom. I wanted it totally romantic. The fireplace in the corner of our room is nice. Hubby had specially made a nice fireplace screen that fits in nicely too, glass and wrought iron.

So in keeping in the 'holiday' spirit, the neighbors have changed Gumby. I so want one of these, but hubby just laughs and says not in HIS yard. I crack up everytime I pass Gumby. I'm dying to know what they are going to do for Easter. Have him hold an easter basket? LOL

I'm currently making an album about my 50th year. I am really liking how this is turning out. I will have to post that too when I get in the mood to take more pictures. I have so many, that it will take me a year of doing nothing but continuously scrapping. And to think I went through all the pictures and have them sorted into a MUST USE bin.

Here is a picture that I took yesterday of the snow on the mountains not too far from us. This is looking into Orange County, at the Cleveland National Forest. Quite rare to see snow on them. It's cold enough that when we went out today, the snow was still there. AWESOME.

I guess I should get off here and do a bit of scrapping if I am going to stick to my timeline. Yes, I made a scrapping timeline. There are certain things that I want to accomplish in a certain amount of time and that includes my swaps and some albums and layouts. So until then...........

Gloomy day on the message boards.....

I signed onto the message board the other night, and OMG.....You would have thought that Hillary Clinton had just gotten caught having an affair with her secretary.

So I cautiously read the 'old' message board to get a sense of what the heck was happening..then even more cautiously, I signed onto the 'new' message board. I have never seen so much chaos, so many women up in arms, the crying, the anger, the spewing of hostility. You would thought that they were just asked to give up their left boob, their first born (frankly, I think some would have given them up without a fight), or worse, their computer.

Some were threatening to leave the message boards all together (like that would happen), some threatened to never post at all on the 'new' one (ok, so they posted on the 'new' one to tell others that they weren't gonna post and then answered all that did post to let them know why they weren't gonna post), some even posted that they were gonna give the 'new' board a chance, and some just didn't care as long as they could post.

Some were upset that the 'new' board was hard to navigate through. Some posted that the 'blinkies' made the 'new' board look like a place of junk. Some posted that the 'new' board wasn't user-friendly. There were some that posted with great joy in the change. They liked the idea of being able to 'decorate' the board with their blinkies and stuff.

I remember reading back on the 'old' message board that some wanted to learn how to 'color' their posts. Now that they have the chance to do that with just a click of their mouse instead of writing the 3 mile long HTML code, they aren't happy.

I remember reading back on the 'old' message board that some wanted to know how to post pictures directly on their posts. Now that they have the chance to do that with just a click of their mouse, they are upset.

I remember reading back on the 'old' message board that some didn't think that anyone was reading their posts. Now that they have that option, they aren't happy.

I remember reading back on the 'old' message that some wondered if someone was online so that they could message each other, and now that they have that chance, yep, you guessed it....they aren't happy.

I guess no one is happy with changes. Personally, I don't care. A message board is a message board. You meet some nice women on them, form a relationship with them, bond...and someone throws in a wrench to throw them off kilter. Not fair. But then....sometimes, life isn't fair. All I can suggest is pick yourself up, dust off the seat of your pants, plant your feet firmly, and continue on lifes' journey.

Well, I'm off to the message boards....to see if all the commotion has calmed down any.

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

· When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...

You need to pray at work.

· When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?".....

You need to pray at work.

· When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?".....

You need to pray at work.

· When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office....," and you want to throw a stapler at him......

You need to pray at work.

· When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk.........

You need to pray at work.

· When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!"....

You need to pray at work.

· When you're in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say "that lazy b*&%$#"......

You need to pray at work.

· When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"........

You need to pray at work.

· If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with......

You need to pray at work.

· If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story .......

You need to pray at work.

· If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at work!

LET US ALL BOW OUR HEADS

Flowers....flowers....flowers..

Did you ever collect something without knowing that you are collecting it? I have.

I have enough Prima flowers that I could start a flower shop. I have no clue as to why I keep buying them. An obsession? Yeah, maybe. I have so many that I had to buy a one of them Rubbermaid storage totes just for my flowers. I have all the

Got Flowers?,
all the Forever Flowers,
all the Seasonal Flowers,
all the Prima Hydrangeas,
all the Flower of the Month,
all the Botanical Mixes,
all the Leaves,
etc., etc., etc.,

I have them in glass bottles,
plastic bottles,
decorative bottles,
wooden crates,
plastic boxes,
etc., etc., etc.,

You name it in Prima, I have it. You name the color, I have it....

red
white
green
blue
purple
peach
pink
brown
yellow
burgundy
coral
brights
vintage
pastels
mustard
etc., etc., etc.,

The worse part is.....a fellow scrapper is selling off her bounty of Prima's..I heard about it.. and yep...you guessed it. I HAD to buy as many as I could. Did I need them? No, Was I gonna use them? I planned on it. I soon discovered that I had about 2-3 of EACH color. Good Gawd!! What on earth was I gonna do with them?

Well, something occurred to me....why don't you use them in the swaps that you are in. WHAT??? Actually USE them??? What a concept!!

I have flowers for every friggin layout, page swap and album that I do. As a matter of fact, on the page swaps that I am in, in the embellishment goodie pack, I'm including some. I may have to include 10 each per person.

OH well.....have you GOT FLOWERS?????

It's A Conspiracy..........

Conspiracy Against Seniors

We Must Stop This Immediately!


Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens. Pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

QVC ROCKS ! ! ! ! !

I ordered this on Saturday....and here it is. I just love Basic Grey and this whole kit. Doesn't it look yummy? I can hardly wait to use it. One book will be for my girlfriend, the other, I'm not sure, but trust me, I will find a GREAT way to use it.

8 words with 2 meanings.......

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male.... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male.. Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male..... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male..... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.!
Male..... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.. A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

9 Things I Hate ABout Everyone.....

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

In keeping with the 'holiday' theme, I thought it was appropriate to post this picture. Can you imagine coming home to this EVERY DAY? :::laughter::: Didn't think so. I'm dying to see what's in store for Easter.

Mmmm Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I love strawberries, but most of all, I love chocolate covered strawberries. Hubby surprised me at work today with 12 of 'em. Delicious strawberries wrapped in milk chocolate or white chocolate. All through out the office, that is all you could smell. The sweet scent of fresh strawberries. The girls all had to have some. So, being the person that I am, I decided to share my sweet bounty. As I cut them in half, you could hear the others hold their breaths....waiting for their sweet piece. When I was finished, and told them to take a piece, it was like a mad dash at a 50% off sale at Harrod's. Hands and arms reaching from all directions. All wanting a taste. You could hear them slurping the juicy nectar as each bite was taken. Gawd, I love strawberries. I wish they grew all year 'round.


Here is a picture of the card that I made for my husband. The twill reads, "True Love Knows No Bounds". Inside the card, I had found this poem:


There has never been a perfect wife
But I would like to try
To be as close as I can come,
And you're the reason why.
I cannot know just why it was
God favored me more than the rest,
But of all the husbands He's given
I am blessed with the very best.
I hear people speak of "my better half"
And I guess that's kind of sweet,
But I think of you as "my other half" -
Without you I'd be incomplete.
So this comes without a reason,
Just wishing on my part
To convey a simple message -
I love you with all my heart.

Why We Love Children...........

I just loved this, so I thought that I would share....

WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN !!

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Psssst!' and it didn't move."


An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"


When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came in to the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

Yep....gonna be a bear !!

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six month. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a momma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, gonna be a bear!!